Peppermints, food of knowledge

The newest innovation in education is... PEPPERMINTS! Yes, peppermints. You thought they were a humble food, the common fodder of restaurant maitre de stands and reception desks. Well, you were wrong. little did you know as you absentmindedly sucked on one that you were sucking on a piece of standardized testing history. Many middles school principals are now ordering them for the students because it is rumored that they posses magical ability to boost test scores. So here are my thoughts, whether you want to listen, actually its more like read, to them or not.

• Eastern must be really desperate to do well on the MSA if they are really going to place all their hopes in a nugget of solidified sugar-water.
  

• Wouldn't it be more appropriate to spend money on books? No wait, books corrupt our young minds, whereas candy only corrupts our teeth.
  

• If it is appropriate to spend money on candy because it furthers our test scores wouldn't it also be appropriate to replace those hard little chairs that were designed for perfectly straight-backed and flat-bottomed aliens with deluxe massage chairs. I mean, massage chairs would help us relax and therefore...uh... help us absorb information faster. and if we can have massage chairs, why stop there. why not turn the whole school into a sate of the art educational amusement park. All the class rooms would be rides or games, there would of course be some educational value (" the reason your water gun hits the enemy target is that a force is being exerted upon it. Can anyone name the force?" " yes, its the force of DESTRUCTION, die mutant scum DIE." "actually the answer i was looking for was.. no johnny don't point that water gun at me." "SQUIRT" "JOHNNY, THIS MEANS DETENTION!").

• C=Candy (peppermints) K=Kids T=Teacher TT=Traumatized Teacher S=huge Sugar high: C+K=S S+T=TT. (Hows that for an algebra problem.) I really do feel sorry for the teachers who will have to deal with the hyper kids, they should b=receive compensation for emotional damage while on the job.
  
• Aren't we creating an addiction in our kids. By constantly fueling their need for sugar, with the peppermints, we turn this idle craving into a desperate need. Candy stores barricade your doors, here come the class of 2007!
  

C'EST MA VIE


a sugar rush, cavity, and boosted test score. ALL IN ONE!

P.S. link to the washingtonpost story will come later