Sorry kids, the cookie monster is having a bad day

Does to much optimism make your head hurt, do cheerful people make you grumpy? There may be (fortune cookie related) help for you yet. One fortune cookie company has launched a new line of grouchy cookies. These include cookies saying “It’s over your head now. Time to get some professional help.”

Fortune cookies have always aroused a unique brand of resentment. As long as you carry the slip of paper with you there is the smallest hope that tomorrow will be the day you get promoted. However, when tomorrow dawns, you are inevitably let down. This is probably because the demand for a "large sum of money" or an ambiguous "reward" has far exceeded supply, at least until they can be mass-produced in China.

It is a sign of our jaded society that even the most innocent and fragile delight has been transformed into a vessel of cynicism. But then again, maybe it's a good thing. A good wallow in self-pity inevitably results in a night of reality TV and any food that comes in paper cartons, therefore providing the Chinese food industry with brand loyalty.

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cherry blosson season=invasion of the tourists, a guide for next year

We are sitting in Metro Center a train that has been blocking out view moves out, and behold the sea of tourists! Yes, it's that time of year again, but as long as we have them here why not engage in a little game of tourist spotting.to aid you in your pursuit of this wholesome past-time I have a handy list entitled The Common Attributes Of Tourists.

THE COMMON ATTRIBUTES OF TOURISTS

• They will all stampede towards the middle two metro cars while avoiding the ones on the end like the plague because, as far as they are concerned, the plague is the very thing that the end cars are infested with. (As long as we're on the subject of metros I have a suggestion. The Japanese gave us the trees so, as long as the tree's blossoms are causing this invasion of tourists, why don't they lend us some or their subway-pushers to help deal with the metro-crowding problems that inevitably result. Metro commutes would be so much easier if instead of having hapless bystanders shove people into the cars there were trained professionals to do it.)
• Another sign of a tourist is a map (or guide book) that is being clutched between sweaty fingers while the person to whom the fingers belong deliberates over whether he should get off at La-Font (Le Enfant) plaza or Judi-see-ary (judiciary) square.
• Look for those that are proudly sporting fanny packs. These fashion accessories are a must have for any serious and committed tourist.

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profound thoughts on literature: Jane Eyre

There is the saying "into each life a little rain must fall", it seems that Jane Eyre is in a perpetual monsoon.

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The July 2007 YouTube debate

I think that it is time to hand out some awards.

• John Edwards: Most question avoiding/re-directing. According to him both "how do you define liberal?", "do you believe in paying reparations to the descendants of slaves, and "which republican would you choose as a running mate?" are actually code for "what kind of president does the country need." A: one who will take on "big business", something he just happens to do very well

• Mike Gravel: Best name-calling. He took on Obama with skill that would have made him president of any playground.

• Chris Dodd: best skill at turning a bunch of dead cells into a political credential. It's not just hair, it is a trophy conferred upon him by the celestial forces as a sign of his dedication. But does he or doesn't he? only his image consultant knows for sure.

• Hillary Clinton: best subversive message. Of course it's not about whether she is a woman, or Obama's skin, or Richarson's race. That is because when she is inaugurated a great message will be sent to boys and girls everywhere, and the other people won't matter.

• Dennis Kucinich: best sixties throwback: Peace, dude, it's the only way to go. Not that peace is a bad thing, it just shouldn't be combined with love beads.
  

• Bill Richardson: worst crowd -exciter: His many attempts at inciting applause only resulted in his face getting red. We at least know that he will never be charged with inciting rioting.
  

• Group Award: Best skills with a crystal ball: "When I am president..." is a phrase that is freely tossed about and can be found in abundance. However, you never know, maybe this year will be the first time there will be an eight-way tie for president, but how will they fit all those desks in the oval office.

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pools of the ages

Why do we love water so much? Perhaps it is because it is the original element. Before we were caveman discovering fire, and discovering simultaneously that we were flammable, we lived in pre-historic pools of toxic sludge. Now today’s pools lack that intoxicating combination of carbon monoxide glass and flesh eating acids, but they make up for it with urinary tract byproducts that have been neutralized, if not erased, by enormous quantities of chlorine. So we immerse ourselves in the blue water and steep ourselves in millennia of history. In the end we emerge shriveled and pruned, but with a feeling that maybe things haven’t changed that much. Then we catch sight of the snack bar hawking its icy wares and think that if thing have changed just a little it was probably for the better.

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Wi-fi trumps all

Bob: so how was that new restaurant that you went to?
Joe: Well, later on I threw up the dinner, the wine was vinegar that had the label torn off, I had to take my order to the kitchen because the waiter was engaged in an urgent discussion of kleenex brands, and I caught the valet joyriding in my car, but it did have free wi-fi.
Bob: so i should go?
Joe: Oh yes, definitely!

These are the desperate lengths we will go to to obtain the holy grail of our internet society, free wi-fi. Few have made the journey, and most of them end up stranded in the back rooms and winding passageways of various coffee-shops, until they die from lack of Myspace and Facebook. But, a few brave souls have made the journey and return victourious, to flaunt their signal strength as a badge of honor.

I have had the honor of being related to one valiant adventurer who survived the quest, my mother. Starbucks will make you pay for internet access, but using all her wits and cunning she dodged the sticks of dynamite, automated blowpipes, and swinging axes to emerge from the maze with her wireless connection held aloft. This was probably the high-point of her month. She had outwitted the devious god of the no-signal-can-be-detected-zones without the loss of so much as one USB port.

But then again, I can't really make fun of these people because at the moment I am siting with my laptop precariously balanced on the arm of my chair, forcing me to type one-handedly wile my computer teeters on the edge of the precipice, in a desperate attempt to boost my signal.

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Forget the treadmill, stack cups instead

Let us take a brief moment to reminisce about ye olde P.E. classes. Remember games of dodge-ball, calisthenics, and rope climbing? Those activities have become relics of a forgotten past. Dodge-ball is a forbidden "contact sport," not even the gym teachers have the energy to make it through the calisthenics, and with the child obesity epidemic rope-climbing has been declared cruel and unusual punishment (of the ropes). "So" you ask "what kind of kinds of strenuous and challenging physical workouts are todays children being subjected to?" the short answer is that they aren't. Instead we have lessons in cup-stacking.

This means exactly what it says. We receive lessons in how to stack up plastic cups into various formations, as fast as we possible can. Maybe I am missing some hidden value, such as the fact that cup-stacking promotes a valuable skill which no one who doesn't have the right security clearance can know about. Or maybe we are being trained in manual dexterity so that we will be able to put together happy meals with extreme precision. But then again there is a much more obvious reason: our parents are promoting cup stacking because it trains us in the proper use of our fingers, a skill which will allow us to win 25,000 dollars in a text-messaging contest.

Another mark of this sport's absurdity is that one can purchase special cups online which come in their very own padded carrying case. Soon there will be display cases containing slivers of wood from "the tables I have stacked on."

that's all I have time for right now because I'm in training and those cups won't stack themselves.

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Queuing day VS. Couch-potato Day

It's China's new holiday, Queuing Day!!! This holiday is on 11th of every month, because the number represents a straight line. On the holiday, Queuing Day volunteers wear satin queuing day sashes and hand out gifts to people who line up. Doesn't this remind you a little bit of pre-school? the teacher says, it's recess! Que mad dash to the door, until the teacher comes up and dangles a little kiddy-sized bribe in front of the students faces. Maybe the true road to a more polite China is simply to deploy a highly trained arsenal of kindergarten teachers armed with hand puppets and sugar-packed snacks. If you line up you'll get a triple-sugar sweet-bombs deluxe choco blast munchy bite.

This article got me thinking, if China has their own "special" holiday what can the US have? what about Having National Couch-potato Day? I think that it would be a holiday which resonates deeply in our souls and a lot of people would be really passionate about. The holiday would be held on the sixth of every month because the number illustrates an easy chair (see graphic). To celebrate you would gather the unhealthy beverage of your choice, several highly fatty and artificially colored and flavored snacks, put on stained sweats and a shirt which displays your voluptuous beer-belly to it's best advantage, and sit down for a day of extreme channel-changing and boob-tube watching. There will also be couch potato volunteers who will wear those baseball hats that have soda-can holders and straws and will hand out replacement TV remote batteries and also monitor Couch-potato Day participant's vital signs and bring in EMTs if there are signs of advanced vegetization. Of course, it doesn't have to be the sixth of the month for you to celebrate Couch-potato Day, you can celebrate any time!

An illustration of how the number six represents an easy chair

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a divine endorsment

It's Jesus, the Messiah, son of God, the immaculate conception, and he drinks Coke! Such is the scene in an italian movie where an ad executive sees Jesus drinking a Coke and exclaims "my god what a testimonial". However, you will probably not be seeing this scene because Coke has refused this gift from above and have asked, well more like demanded, that the offending scene be removed from the movie saying that they "are not interested in this kind of product placement." Why would anyone not be interested in having Jesus represent their product? Having Jesus endorse your product is like having Dick Cheney endorse your shotgun, it's as good as it gets. By my reckoning Jesus is the most popular person in the world, closely followed by Mickey Mouse and Ronald McDonald, Jesus trumps everything. "You have Micheal Jordan, Angelina Jolie, Babe Ruth, and the soul of Anna-Nicole Smith? I have Jesus", and Jesus wins.

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wonks can rope steers too.

A cowboy resides in each of us, but most manage to tone it down to the occasional merry-go-round ride. However, there are those among us who have given into the urge. By day they appear to be ordinary members of the populace. Then, night comes and they go into a phone booth and emerge, Clark Kent-style, sporting chaps, spurs, and a ten-gallon hat. I was recently lucky enough to come into contact with one such man. Our meeting was brief but it still made an impression. He was buying his lunch at Whole Foods, but next to the sandwich and the drink were two bars of soap. They said "URBAN COWBOY" in "dusk" scent. In that moment I understood who he really is. He is a man of the wide-open spaces, or in D.C. terms wide-open traffic triangles. It's hidden, but it's still there, suppressed under his calm demeanor and plain polo shirt. It's there, quietly waiting until he can turn on the shower, reach for his bar of soap, take a good whiff, and remember who he truly is.

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Yet another post on why the french have bigger brains

as the bridesmaid it is my duty to tell you that my computer is in love. as you can probably tell from the card, it's a mac, but he has realized that her PC-ness is just one of the many amazing things that make her who she is. They met, obviously, over the internet, and it was love at first web-site. Even though the happy couple is not yet married they have picked out a lovely desk that they, and hopefully lots of little motherboards, can share. l'amour l'amour, toujours l'amour

I think that the above card, written by yours truly only serves to further my argument that the French have bigger brains. Who else would be socially conscious enough to create an e-card especially for computers? The rest of the world has ignored this rapidly growing ethnic minority,but not the French. the U.S. should follow their example because inanimate objects, like rainbows and coconuts and parking meters and computers, deserve to be represented too. They have a voice, let it be heard! Power to the objects!!!

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Skymall Magazines, all I can say is WHY?

most of my time spent on airplanes is spent looking through the magazines and pondering why on earth anyone would want a sumo wrestler table lamp, or a fish tank coffee table, or a case with golf balls in it from all the premier golf courses. Skymall magazines are the infomercials of magazines. They take items that no one in their right mind would buy and entice you into purchasing them by taking you out of your right mind, either by stuffing their add with endless testimonials and " super special" deals, or by stuffing them with shots of over-tanned and over-bleached models who attained their perfect looks by using the product. Thats right, before they used the have-a-body-like-a-highly-muscled-skeleton-exercise-a-tron they were normal people, just like you! I think that airline magazines are the U.S. patent office's sideline business. "here we have a patent for a razor that doubles as a nose hair clipper that doubles as an insect repellent. You want it?" And that, ladies and gentalmen, is the secret behind the magazine.

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Peppermints, food of knowledge

The newest innovation in education is... PEPPERMINTS! Yes, peppermints. You thought they were a humble food, the common fodder of restaurant maitre de stands and reception desks. Well, you were wrong. little did you know as you absentmindedly sucked on one that you were sucking on a piece of standardized testing history. Many middles school principals are now ordering them for the students because it is rumored that they posses magical ability to boost test scores. So here are my thoughts, whether you want to listen, actually its more like read, to them or not.

• Eastern must be really desperate to do well on the MSA if they are really going to place all their hopes in a nugget of solidified sugar-water.
  

• Wouldn't it be more appropriate to spend money on books? No wait, books corrupt our young minds, whereas candy only corrupts our teeth.
  

• If it is appropriate to spend money on candy because it furthers our test scores wouldn't it also be appropriate to replace those hard little chairs that were designed for perfectly straight-backed and flat-bottomed aliens with deluxe massage chairs. I mean, massage chairs would help us relax and therefore...uh... help us absorb information faster. and if we can have massage chairs, why stop there. why not turn the whole school into a sate of the art educational amusement park. All the class rooms would be rides or games, there would of course be some educational value (" the reason your water gun hits the enemy target is that a force is being exerted upon it. Can anyone name the force?" " yes, its the force of DESTRUCTION, die mutant scum DIE." "actually the answer i was looking for was.. no johnny don't point that water gun at me." "SQUIRT" "JOHNNY, THIS MEANS DETENTION!").

• C=Candy (peppermints) K=Kids T=Teacher TT=Traumatized Teacher S=huge Sugar high: C+K=S S+T=TT. (Hows that for an algebra problem.) I really do feel sorry for the teachers who will have to deal with the hyper kids, they should b=receive compensation for emotional damage while on the job.
  
• Aren't we creating an addiction in our kids. By constantly fueling their need for sugar, with the peppermints, we turn this idle craving into a desperate need. Candy stores barricade your doors, here come the class of 2007!
  

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a sugar rush, cavity, and boosted test score. ALL IN ONE!

P.S. link to the washingtonpost story will come later

Angelina +maddox+ Brad+ zahara+ shilo+pax=?

that well know combination Brangelina has recently ventured to Vietnam to adopt a fourth child, little Pax Thien Jolie. Why? i have no idea, but as usual i have several theories, and, as usual, i will share them with you, my adoring public.

• Hollywood's newest promotion deal: adopt a kid from these five countries and win a front page spot in these five tabloids! even a serious celebrity like Angelina couldn't resist a deal like that, in fact collecting kids has now become her hobby. So keep on going going Angelina, one more kid and its page 1 for you.
• Its the latest souvenir craze: why bring back a mass produced chotchke when you can have your own one-of-a-kind toddler! available in orphanages everywhere! As an added bonus the toddlers are also your own mannequins, to be dressed in whatever haute couture you choose.
• studies have shown that when media coverage is flagging the quickest way to boost it is to have a baby. however, if post-birth weight gain is a concern you can just adopt one.
• Their adoption of a baby is just another way that they are trying to politically active. the new baby will mean that they will have to hire more nannies, drivers, diaper-changers, baby-food mixers etc. The creation of this entourage will mean the creation of thousands of new jobs, and therefore revitalize the economy. How's that for politically active.
  

Disclaimer: i do support Brangelina's advocacy on behalf of under privileged countries but their whirlwind adoptions just beg to be made fun of. But at least because use of their actions a few more children will be able to experience having their own team of servants. sorry, that just slipped out, i really do support them. Really.

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the eyesores of Washington

If anyone hasn't taken a recent look at the departments of education's building i suggest that they keep right on not looking. the reason that i am so strongly in favor of ignoring this building is that it is just plain ugly. from behind and from the sides it appears to be your standard issue government building. Then, you reach the front. Protruding from the doors are these ugly little red "school houses". Each "school house" (they shall hereafter be referred to as the eyesores) has a sign on it saying "no child left behind". These are quite simply the ugliest things in Washington. In order to remedy the problem i suggest three easy steps-

• REVENGE. An act this heinous requires a very good punishment. a suitable punishment would be making the person responsible for the eyesores sit and look at them all day long. they should also be required to tell each passerby that they are sorry for the ugliness that they have inflicted upon the general population.

• TEAR DOWN. Tear down the eyesores and let the tastefulness of the building shine through. The tearing should be a public ceremony, preferably with apologies from the people who let this happen, there should also be celebratory music when the demolition is complete.

• LABEL SLAP. we should follow the example of whoever came up with the idea of putting up the no child left behind signs and express ourselves by slapping a label on something. only our label should say "no child left untested", and it should be slapped on the presidents forehead

one of the eyesores

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'tis the season for my annual MSA rant (I promise that this is different from the MSA pep rally rant.)

unfortunately the rant is to long for me to type so i will let this website say it all (it will probably also say it better.) So I will instead just give a few quotes (okay, its more like a lot of quotes, but they're still good.)-

• "It looked like Trivial Pursuit to me." Tina Yalen, Virginia teacher after SOL exams
• "Believing we can improve schooling with more tests is like believing you can make yourself grow taller by measuring your height." Robert Schaeffer of FairTest
• "We could prohibit lunch, or take their shoes." Calvin Trillin, The Nation, on what to do to help kids score better
• "Standardized tests equal standardized students" Amanda Parsons, a sophomore from Boulder, CO wearing red arm bands and a student ID sticker number 142337 at a protest of nearly 200 students
• "If more testing were the answer to the problems in our schools, testing would have solved them a long time ago." Bill Goodling, chair of House Education Committee
• "Only on 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire?' can people rise to the top by rote memorization and answers to multiple-choice questions. The FINAL ANSWER to improving education is more than memorizing facts for a multiple-choice test. Children today need critical thinking skills, creativity, perseverance, and integrity - qualities not measure on a standardized test." Dr. Paul Houston
• "Standardized tests can't measure initiative, creativity, imagination, conceptual thinking, curiosity, effort, irony, judgment, commitment, nuance, good will, ethical reflection, or a host of other valuable dispositions and attributes. What they can measure and count are isolated skills, specific facts and function, the least interesting and least significant aspects of learning." Bill Ayers
• "You're a wonderful human being, but the tests don't show it." Educator Chuck Lavaroni to Gilbert Medeiros after telling him he shouldn't plan to go to college as a result of his test scores. Chuck later met Gilbert at a party in Marin County, only to hear that Gilbert got a law degree, worked as vice president for a large real estate firm, owned and ran 5 different companies

In closing, go to the website, read the material, print out some fliers, get involved.

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on the neurology of the french

As I have said before and will probably say again (and again, and again, and again...) Europeans have bigger brains that us. How, you ask, do I know this? well, they have to have bigger brains in order to remember all the feminines and masculines and different conjugations. (I also know that they have bigger brains because they didn't elect a president who entered a war without UN support to save his own skin, and, as an afterthought, the Iraqis.)

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VS

our brain Their brain

you know that your family is special when...

You know that your family is special when... club penguin turns into a group event.

My whole family has gotten involved in little-sister-dearest's quest to tip the iceberg in club-penguin-land . (it is fabled that this event will reward all its participants with 5,000 coins.) mom hovers around offering tips on being persuasive (tell them that they will get 5,000 coins), dad advises on how the laws of physics can be applied (if you want to tip it you have to shift the mass as a group), and sissie explains the complex culture, customs, and social hierarchy of Club Penguin(this is how you make your penguin dance). (In case anyone wonders, I am desperately watering my computer animated fake flowers in an attempt to make them bloom.)

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P.S. for no good reason I am including a conversation that occurred while I was watching club penguin (this is all exactly as it was written, including spelling mistakes!)
a penguin perched on the edge of the iceberg: I am going to commit suiside.
another penguin: who cares?

YAY YAY, IT'S THE MSA!!!!!!

you know what time it is, it's time for your friendly neighborhood MSA pep rally!!!!!!!! for those of you that are lucky,I mean unfortunate, enough to not know what this is let me horrify, I mean explain it to, you. This a brand new tradition in the Montgomery County Public schools where people, dance, cheer, and pretend that they are exited about taking a test that emphasizes rote memorization over actual thinking. some schools have had students make signs, prepare presentations, and have adults come on stage in various forms of dress-up. I have some questions for the people who are advocating these pep rallies-

• Why are you going to spend the money for the afore-mentioned costumes, props, and supplies when the money is needed to by things like balls for recess and art supplies. woopsies, I forgot that you don't do art or recess anymore because children should spend all day memorizing pointless facts. Time=higher test scores=funding=even better test scores=promotions.
• instead of taking the time to have the pep rally, make the signs, and prepare the presentations why don't you let the kids do something creative that actually challenges them. Sorry, I forgot again, you don't do creativity. if anything is going to stay the least bit from he test it must be MSA related because yet again time=higher test scores=funding= even better test scores=promotions.

a scene from the pep rally in a prince Georges county school

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Sprite

Todays topic, because I am a pre-teen and all I can think about is soda and sugar, and also because I can't think of anything better, is sprite

• Would sprite still taste as good without the bubbles? I don't thinks so. without the bubbles sprite would just be another drink, the bubbles give it that oomph (or in this case fizz).

• Does new label sprite taste as good as the old label sprite? until recently i couldn't taste the difference, but I recently had an epiphany. the new sprite has certain acidic undertones that the old one didn't, and on the wheel of sprite tasting (sprite is to kids what wine is to grown-ups) the smell is fresher and less weighed down with sticky aromas. But then again, I could just be imagining the whole thing, in fact I probably am. for a proper opinion on the subject one would have to ask my friend fifi2. fifi2 is a true connoisseur who has been know to drink 6 cans of sprite in one sitting.
  

New label sprite old label sprite

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status messagess

as you may be aware gmail lets you come up with your own status message. I thought that some of them were just dying to be posted, and today I have nothing better to write about, so here they are. ( of course i want to protect my friends from creepy stalker people so i will be using fake names. friend one will be fifi2, fifi one is my pet marshian. My second friend will be named tinkerbelle2, i don't think that i need to explain who tinkerbelle one is.)

• tinkerbelle2's new status message - I think that actually, moon pies are from SATURN'S moons, not earth's. and besides, who thought to call it a moon anyway?? It sounds like this big rock is flashing Earth its butt or something!!! And that's just NOT RIGHT!

• fifi2's new status message - here. It's a status message. If only i could make it longer, that way i could beat tinkerbelle2's uber long message about pie or sumthing. I like pie. I lie a lot, i lie and i cry a lot, pie a lot, cry a lotttttttt 4:39 PM

• tinkerbelle2's new status message - fifi2 is totally ripping me off by stealing my long status messages. This is wrong because fifi2 is just jealous of me and my amazing...um...foot! It is a very pretty foot and she has told me so before. I know my foot is pretty but i dont have to let others know im jealous of them

• theauthor's new status message is - tinkerbelle2 and and fifi2's long status messages are starting to creep me out. i mean, its a status message, not a book. but tinkerbelle2 and fifi2 apperantly are trying to write a book. if they did write a book i wonder what it would be called, probably something like "why emo flute players rock", or something weird like that. to go back to a previous point a status message should be a breif and consice summing up of what you are doing and how much it sucks, for example mine should be : waiting for the UPS dude, it really sucks

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the germans and scooter libby, is there a connection

I am listening to german radio, don't ask why, and for some reason the germans seem to be talking a lot about Scooter Libby. I really can't figure out why, but here are some possible, unconfirmed and almost certainly incorrect, reasons:

1. The germans are wondering how to create huge scandals, something their government has not yet figured out how to do, and they are once again looking to the U.S. for guidance and footsteps to follow in.
2. The german government has recently hired people and given them security clearance without checking how smart they are (maybe they should have first checked the smarts of the person doing the hiring, *cough cough* Dick Cheney *cough cough*, and now they want to know what to do with them when they go trial.
3. The station i am listening to is a comedy station, and the germans find the fact that we elected such and incompetent government and allowed such a thing to happen funny.

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Factoid-of-the-week

Did you know that sauna is supposed to be pronounced sow-na? The only problem with that is that unless you are from the land of saunas (sweden, denmark, the netherlands etc.) you'll sound like a hill-billy Texan (howdy y'all, wanna cum out a see ma sow-na. and then we could go out in ma hummer go aroun' shootin' at defenseless animals with vice president Dickey-boy. But,If he comes shootin' wiv us we'll be sure to have an ambulance standin' by.) So the final verdict is- stick to saw-na, unless you feel the desperate need to correct someone, in which case getting them to say sauna and then gathering people around to laugh at their "simply to to funny pronunciation" is a great idea.

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FLIP FLOPS !!!!!!!!

I am beginning to get the feeling that most library patrons would like to chase out anyone wearing flip-flops with pitchforks and torches. "how", you ask, "would someone get such an impression?" I don't know the exactly what my brain did to give me the impression, but I sure did get it. When I was walking around the library today with my flip-flops (yesterday, march first, officially ushered in slip-flop season) and I kept on getting the (duhn-duhn-duhn-duuuuuuuuuuuuhn) EVIL GLARE OF SHAME! needless to say, no human can exist for long under those conditions, so after a few few tries at browsing in the more heavily populated areas of the library I loudly and obtrusively flip-flopped over to the no-man's land that is the non-fiction and research section and remained there for the remainder of my visit.

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GO GOOGLE

Because I worship google I have come up with a great new cheer. Appropriate times to use this cheer, as loudly as possible, would be when you have just completed any for of google search, when you have checked your g-mail, when you have watched a youtube video, and any other time that you feel the presence of the Google God( of course there is a Google God). Here is the cheer, I am still working on the accompanying dance routine- 2,4,6,8, I think google's just great!

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The potato grenade

If any of you read the article in the kidspost today about the old italian lady who found the hand grenade in the bag of potatoes i think you will agreed that this incident poses some very serious questions.

1. how on earth did the french potato farm worker who dug up the potato not realize that what he holding is not a potato but a hand grenade? i would think that the differences between the two would be quite obvious. here is a potato and a hand grenade.

Don't they look completely different? The fact that french farm workers can't even tell the difference between a potato and a hand grenade speaks volumes in my book.
2. Is it possible that putting the hand grenade in the bag was not a mistake? could the hand grenade have been put there deliberately as part of a top secret plan to get undermine italy by handing out unexploded hand grenades to all of italy's grandmothers and urging them to rise up against the new-fangled government and change things back to the way they were in the good old days? ACCCCCCCCK, I think i will go hide under my bed.

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P.P.S(thanks to http://www.kidzworld.com/img/upload/article/a4386i0_potato-185.jpg for the potato and thanks to
thanks to http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/7/7f/Hand_Grenade.jpg for the hand grenade)

Troubleshooting

If you are someone who doesn't have a gmail and is having trouble accessing this page please email me. I think i may have to mess with the settings.

Lets be democratic

There are so many cool fonts that I simply can't decide which one to use. I, being the decider of my blog, have decided to take a vote.

should I use -
1. Arial
2.Georgia
3.Courier
4.Lucida Grande ( personally I can't see the difference between this and Arial, but then again i doubt the difference can be seen without a microscope.)
5. Times ("Times" has apparently decided to be like Madonna and had dropped the "new roman".)
6.Trebuchet (what I currently use)
7.Verdana (unfortunately there are no catty comments that I can make about this font.)
8.Webdings (yet again, what is the difference between this and Arial? If you know the answer, please tell me.)

In order to cast your vote post a comment with the number of the font that you think i should use (and anything else you think I should know). Lets practice democracy and show America how it works.

C'EST MA VIE

Uh-Oh

Unfortunately that last post brings me a new problem: I can't actually think of anything interesting to write about. Oh, well. seeing as you are all such dedicated readers I am sure that you will read any thing I write, even if it is boring and tedious drivel.

C'EST MA VIE

READ ME FIRST

Hello whoever happens to be reading this. Here are some things you should know:
1. My signature is in french and I will probably, every so often, intersperse a few french words so here is a french dictionary. If you are to lazy to use the dictionary i have no pity for you
2. If I offend anyone I am really sorry, but this is my blog and therefore exists only for the purpose of sharing my opinions. if i have offended you, comment on it.
3. (To my family members)You don't have to actually read my blog. I just wanted to alert you to the fact that I have one. However, if by some chance you do want to read it the option is always there.

YAY. I've gotten all the boring stuff out of the way. now i can finally write some thing interesting.

C'EST MA VIE